Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
