She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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