I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
