And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
