You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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