Define "chronic" masturbator.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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