is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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