Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
