I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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