mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I skipped work to stalk him.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
