this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
