he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
