THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
