I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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