im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
