I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
