Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
