His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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