Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The best revenge is premature balding
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
