He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
