Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
