Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
