Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
