My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
