i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
