Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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