I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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