i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
