I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
