I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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