Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
