I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
