i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
