And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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