she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
