Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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