how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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