He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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