he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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