what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
