Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
