I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
