Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
