walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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