I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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