Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
