I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How's work?
Spinning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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