omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
