Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
