you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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