ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
