New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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